Being a Moma

It has been a long time since I have written here..and I miss it.  Thoughts roll around in my head. They pound to get out.  They get pushed aside. I fall asleep overwhelmed with all that I have done, with all there is to do. My mind is crowded. I think I have serious “brain fog” and I am not sure how to get rid of it!  Anyway, here I am.  Here I am to pound it out onto this keyboard.  As the last of my dishes sit in the sink.  As the clothes to be folded mound on the couch.  As the dryer finishes up uniforms that need to be hung for tomorrow…I will write.
I have learned a lot since I last wrote. My oldest son graduated from high school last May.  My child who just started to crawl walked across a stage and made me so proud when he received his diploma and graduated with honors.  My little boy who needed help to reach the pedals on his red tricycle yesterday is now flying airplanes…big real ones that leave the ground.  Going “up up up” is not something that I read to him in a storybook anymore.  It is really where he goes when he packs that suitcase.  He is in another state tonight in a hotel room on a job related trip.  As of last weekend, he has an apartment.  How in the world will I know when he falls asleep?  How will I know if his room is too cold or too hot?  Does he have an alarm set?  He has been independent for some time so this is not ALL new….but it still stings when I write it or say it out loud.  He has wanted to be grown since he was in kindergarten….and now he is.  I am so proud of him and so thankful for his successes. Time…you did your thing.
My youngest son (the baby for 10 years) is growing up too fast. He is almost as tall as I am.  He sings and plays his guitar with a passion that I feel sure is straight from the Holy Spirit.  With each chord he sings, his voice seems to become a little deeper.  How could I not be proud?  He is living out what I have whispered over him since I was buckling him in his car seat. “Be in the world and not of it.”  Time is pressing on and he will be in high school next year.
My sweet LG started preschool. She brought me to tears last night. I climbed into the bed with her and she said “You are the best moma in the whole world.”  I replied “and you are the best four year old in the whole world.”  Then she said “I don’t want to grow up to be a lady because you won’t be my moma like this.”  Break my heart…..put it back together again. What you don’t know sweet daughter is that you are mine forever.  You are my daughter.  You are part of my heart walking around here on Earth and I will always, always be your moma like this.
Annabeth and Amelia still believe that Henry and I hung the moon.  Their belief that my kisses really make “owies” better is humbling.  When Annabeth reaches up and says “I want to hold you” just so that she can wrap those skinny little legs around me….heavenly.  Amelia’s funny expressions and her bass voice just keep us laughing.  Her belly laugh is contagious.  They are always together.  Annabeth looks for “Nina” and Amelia looks for “Efeth” constantly.  That love.  That love of sisters.  Knowing you don’t have to be lonely. You have a best friend.  I pray they always remain close.  Sharing. Listening. Most of all….Loving.
I love you my children.  You make me who I am.  You were all designed perfectly to be my children.  My love for you is unconditional.  My love for you will always remain. It is closer than the kissing hand.  It is farther than the moon and back.  It is greater than anything that you can imagine.  Only God could love you more…and He does.  We do……love you.